Moving Forward with Compassion
Everyone on the planet has been affected, at some level, by this global situation, even if they are not consciously aware of it and regardless any points of view - because we are all connected to the collective unconscious. There is a web of energy beyond our ego selves that connects us all together; we are all different threads that make up the one tapestry.
When we consider qualities such as empathy and compassion, we need to consider the whole human species, the whole planet and its inhabitants, and how everyone has suffered during this epic situation – or might yet do so.
No-one will escape some grief and some pain during these times.
And, everyone is playing their part, whether they know it or not, to help the evolution of our species and the great awakening.
There are certain qualities, common to human beings, that largely go unnoticed in our society as they just do not get the kudos that other more attention-seeking qualities might. These include: kindness, empathy, wisdom, courage, integrity and compassion. These qualities hold the warmth of human connection and though they might fly under the radar of our selfie/look-at-me, achievement and acquisition-oriented society, they are the glue that holds humanity together. Or at least they used to.
‘Empathy’ is a feeling sense of what the other is experiencing, and involves being present with and tuning in to the other. Compassion is a particular flavour of love, one that employs awareness and empathy. Put simply, it is not wanting others to suffer. Compassion is solution-oriented as it is focussed on finding solutions that engender relief and a return to wellbeing; whereas, sympathy, and certainly pity, can hold the subject of their gaze down, seeing them as lesser and beyond recovery.
We must first have some empathy and compassion for ourselves, because if we do not, we cannot tune into others at that level.
Heart and mind are designed to work together, with the heart on lead. The heart knows and the mind is meant to implement that knowing. But when mind is not connected to heart nor left brain to right brain, it becomes a distorted, out-of-balance system, lacking any nuanced sensitivity.
In our society we have honoured the intellect, but at the expense of other aspects of our being, including our ‘heart’, our inner knowing, our intuition and qualities such as empathy, compassion and simple, unaffected kindness.
A singularly hard-line, intellectual, mechanical, left-brain approach ignores the whisperings of the heart; and when the mind is untethered from the heart it can be very clever in its justifications and often uses force and domination to push forward its own agendas. As we are seeing. We need to be reminded that force is not power.
And when the ‘heart’ is out of balance it risks lapsing into ineffective sympathy, dependency and emotional overwhelm. Right now, we are in the biggest battle between heart and mind. Clearly the solution is to throw down the sword and integrate the best, what is most beneficial for us, of both.
During this pandemic, in our own communities we have seen far too many examples of rigid rules and regulations totally devoid of human warmth and compassion. We have sacrificed human compassion, empathy and intuitive awareness at the altar of hard, inflexible directives.
Much of our populace has been put in almost impossible positions to make decisions and act in ways that they might not usually do and indeed need our empathy, compassion and understanding. We have all been under enormous coercive pressure.
The traditional adage – ‘walk a thousand miles in someone else’s shoes before judging them’ holds very true in current times. We just do not know the multitude of, often subliminal, influences on any individual to make them believe what they believe and act the way they do.
At the end of the day, we all want the same things – freedom, safety, security, creativity, inclusion, community and the freedom to express who we are on this earth plane. We just feel that we can achieve these things by different means.
We need to recognise our common ground, our basic humanity and that we all have our own paths to follow and are all dealing with the situation in our individual ways (that others might never understand), as best we can.
We don’t know what is ahead of us. Regardless, love, empathy, compassion, wisdom and courage will be the threads that link us together as we go through who-knows-what. And though at times our hearts might be breaking (and mine certainly has), hopefully we can keep them open no matter what - for if we do not, we will lose our basic humanity. Our task is to keep our hearts open, when so many people might be defensively closing theirs.
If we do not, it is so easy to lapse into bitterness, cynicism and victimhood. Trust me, I have been there and it is taking a lot of inner work to turn that ship around.
It is a very delicate balance between bearing witness to the dark side of humanity and our world and holding a vision for a much brighter future and entraining to a higher energy to transcend what we so need to change.
This is a tough gig and ‘Life’ is a very tough-love, kick-ass teacher and will do whatever it takes to have us evolve. It does not muck around. We are going through a massive collective purging and as we go through this deconstruction process, we need to extend compassion and support to each other as we do.
It helps to stop looking at life through the pain or pleasure lens and be grateful for everything (and I know that’s a stretch!) because, at some level, everything is a gift, a means of learning and evolving. Though our ego selves might object, our deeper selves would not have had it any other way.
Like Zorba the Greek (in a scene of the movie by that same name) who danced on the beach after the death of his son. He was celebrating life in the midst of his grief. He wasn’t suppressing his grief (for suppression serves no-one) but still embracing life and finding some joy despite it.
We need to find a way to be grateful no matter what. When we experienced outright medical apartheid, even though I did not enjoy it, I was grateful that I had a tiny taste of what so many of my fellow humans have endured through-out the ages. This experience helped me to have more empathy for the human condition and what we collectively have had to endure. This is empathy training and is grist for the mill of what we can bring to the table to understand and help others.
Please note: feeling gratitude for our experiences does not at all mean that we do not take a stand or not attempt to change what we feel we need to change!
It is wild out there and getting wilder by the day and many of us will be picking up the energies of others. We need to maintain an open heart yet stay in our centre – for we will help no-one if we are overwhelmed by the tsunami of painful emotions by having unmanaged empathy.
We need endurance as I suspect we are in this for the long haul. There is such a thing as ‘empathy weariness’, ‘compassion fatigue’ – so it helps to employ very good self-care and appropriate boundaries. We give better from a full cup and we just cannot rescue, or even influence, everyone – as we well know by now.
We also need the discernment to know when and if it might be helpful to deliver some direct truths rather than remaining quiet for fear of offending or being rejected by others. There is a place for tough love!
We need to replenish ourselves emotionally, spiritually and physically. This process does involve our own inner work – addressing our own shadows. Despite what is going on all around us, we are each dealing with our own personal challenges.
We all need to clear our own trauma because we will be more triggered by current events if we are harbouring unresolved trauma from our pasts. We also need to clear our current traumas, as best we can, as we go along, in order to not have our descendants be left with that legacy - for they surely will if we do not.
As said, everyone is on their own path and contributing in their own way to the evolution of our species. We need to accept others and their choices as best we can (and sometimes this is difficult), for division helps no-one. However, we do this while standing firm in our own truth, not diluting our own values or going along with the consensus for fear of rocking the boat; and if we accept others despite divergent points of view, it is fair that we should also expect the same from them.
It is very important that we each need to find our own tribes, our own people, but in an atmosphere of inclusion rather than exclusion.
We will also greatly benefit from finding some joy, having fun, kicking up our heels. We need to balance the pain and intensity with some light-heartedness! Not to put our heads in the sand - though many of us couldn’t if we tried. And let’s get our sense of adventure back and be excited by our futures that we will together create. This, indeed, is a very exciting roller coaster ride.
Through challenging human experiences, as we are experiencing now, we have the capacity to forge a better way and bring to the forefront qualities such as courage, resilience, fortitude, wisdom, empathy and compassion - as many of our forebears have demonstrated. We need to remember who we really are.
We are going through a massive individual and collective ‘dark night of the soul’ and everyone needs to be patted on the back for being on the planet at this time. It is no accident that we are here now.
We understand that fraught times such as these, as they dismantle and clean out the old, hold the potential for new beginnings and ultimately healthier communities and a much better way of being - that hopefully we all can share.
Be comforted by knowing that the human spirit will find a way and forge on regardless, for our spirits are strong and becoming stronger.
Our task, as we dismantle the old and create the new, is to be optimistic despite all, hold a vision of much better times to come and be grateful for every experience along the way. And to keep our hearts open as we, together, navigate this pivotal time in human history.
Dr Catherine Fyans is a retired medical practitioner and the author of ‘The Wounding of Health Care: From Fragmentation to Integration’